Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Trip to wisconsin

On a plane, waiting to take off,  connecting flight in Charlotte. more later...

CLT airport.  huge busy crazy. counted 3 starbucks, got my fix at the first one.  love this craziness, the confusion, the chaos, the people-watching.  
 
  



 pass by currency exchange booths, slowing down to gaze at the list of international rates...costa rica, dominican republic...ahh, how i wish wish wish i could exchange my u.s. cash for some foreign money, then hop on a plane to someplace exotic. 



 traveling alone is so fun, the possibilities are endless. i know my real life has responsibilities & people to care for, but it’s just fun to imagine...what if...what if i decided to trade in my ticket & go anyplace in the world i wanted? where would i go? what people would i meet?  what if i ended up in a place where i didn’t know the language, it smelled funny & i forgot my sunscreen?   one can only imagine.


time to decide what complimentary beverage i want from the us airways flight crew. oh the possibilities.  cranberry apple juice or fuze tea?  back to reality.


no exotic rain forests or turquoise waters to look down upon from this window, just neat & tidy plots of land between ribbons of highway, lots of lakes, peeking out from swirling masses of clouds..moving northward to the landlocked midwest.  where’s that drink cart?



sitting in minneapolis airport.  this place has a slower vibe, older & more run-down, thinner crowds than the CLT airport, but the lay-out is more confusing.  Multiple floors and terminals and wings all connected by a tram, this back-and-forth rail system that takes you from one place that makes no sense to another illogically-placed location that looks exactly like the place you just left.  In other words, i’ve just spent the past 50 minutes getting lost and more lost and back to just lost again.  bought a ridiculously-priced turkey & cheddar sandwich & am now waiting again, this time for the shuttle van that will take me the 90-mile drive across the state line and to Eau Claire, WI.  And obviously i am so bored that i have to narrate my entire life here.  


Good ol’ Midwestern folk sit in plastic chairs scattered around me, absently staring at their phones or into outer space.  In 40 minutes i’ll get on a van with these people and ride away from the big city and through the vast countrysides and picturesque farm settings of America’s Dairyland.  Even after all these years, those familiar roads still bring back memories of a very different journey than I’m now on. A simple, slow road of growing up and experiencing life at a slower pace, from the viewpoint of a fairly naive child & teenager. Things were simpler back then, but i’m not going to get into how things were back in the olden days.  

What’s more startling to me now, is how a seemingly lack of drama in my life back then was really just a cover-up for the striving, tumultuous emotions I hid inside, not wanting my very non-emotional family to tease me for being such a drama queen, as if that were even a “thing” back then.  Now i see things differently, and i could easily pick apart my family’s dysfunctions as they become so black-and-white to me when I see them again, but what for? This is a time to just enjoy who they are, for I may not have many more days, hours, minutes, left in this lifetime to spend with those who raised me.  


p.s. just for the record...
here's my wcw: (woman crush wednesday)
i know it's a bit weird but..
it's my mom:
grew up on a farm,
taught high school p.e. & biology,
raised 5 gnarly kids,
takes good care of her ill husband,
loves her 2 grandkids & multiple grand-cats, dogs, chickens, pigs, & goats.
It's good to see her again.



Monday, June 9, 2014

mcm


Man Crush Monday
Confession time: I actually have 2 man crushes:
Malcolm, my ferocious, athletic little Tiger
& Morgan, my plump-ish, alpha-cat, first-to-the-chow-pot Lion.
Sometimes they rrrrRRRRRROOOOOOAAAARRRRR
..but here they just like to purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.


Saturday, June 7, 2014

Saturday selfies

Born to run...(bruce Springsteen ) Running to stand still...(u2) Run to you...(bryan adams) Running on empty...(jackson browne) Ha, actually my pandora dance cardio station was spinning out lots of Pit Bull, Rihanna & September's cry for you (you'll never see me again .....)

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Stranger than fiction

Today's To-Do List:

___wake up. (duh)
___fuel up with 36 oz. italian roast coffee, raisin bran w/sliced bananas & tons of milk (check!)
____ drop off kids at school (check!)
___stop at library on way to gym, quickly pick out books for kids (check!)
___drive my lazy self to gym,  plant jiggly self in front row of Body Pump class, weights gathered and assembled on bar, prepare for Miss Triathalon-running,  over 70-lbs. of weight on her bar for squats, thunder thigh instructor to whip me into less-jiggly shape. (check!)
___crawl out of class so weak and even jigglier that i cannot even open my car door (check!)
___go to other library and spend just a few minutes picking out a few books for myself, for next week's solo trip to Wisconsin to care for elderly parents for a week (chhhhhh-uh, did you say, a Few Minutes? like 15 max?)


ahh, therein lies the problem.  Not only does this creative type easily lose track of time (it was an hour and a half later the next time I checked) but I have a serious problem finding good fiction that I will actually enjoy reading.  I wish I just fit into a niche of a certain type of book, like mystery, fantasy, suspense, romance, (gag) or historical fiction..(zzzzz) but i don't. I have to be able to relate to the heroine in some way, and that's the hard part.  My life is stranger than fiction.  There's nothing, no character any bestselling author can come up with that comes even close to the strange quirky, eccentric, weirdness of my life.  My drama.  oh sure there's plenty of books on similar dramas like mine, but they're often cast in a dark light, with too much cursing and behaviors even more despicable than mine.  



So I meander to the "inspirational fiction" section, thinking surely I'll find something a bit more positive, with cleaner language and a more hopeful, inspirational ending.  But just a short gaze at these stacks of pretty colors and sweet titles brings to mind one word of classification:  "inspirational romance".  Triple Gag!!!!!  And these characters, come on, these neat-and-tidy, prim-and-proper Christian girly-girls who dream of nothing but china patterns all their lives, excuse me while I ralph into the nearest book drop..



After ninety minutes of frustratingly searching these stacks, my stomach now growling from only being fed a puny energy bar and gatorade after the gym, I finally pick out 4 books:

1. the song reader - about a girl with a secret gift of reading people's lives by the songs in their heads. As the cover reads, "Can the lyrics to a song reveal the secrets of the heart?"  I think I can relate to this. 2. the ten year nap- ahhh, really? if only that were a thing, i'm down... 3. living on the couch, a psychological thriller exploring the mind of a psychotherapist, (i think i have some relatable experiences here..) and 4. shout down the moon- about a girl who sings in a band and ironically, learns to use her "voice" in other ways, having the courage to trust in her talent and in her even bigger heart. 


Chances are I won't even get around to reading these books I painstakingly picked out today.  My easily-bored or distracted mind will find other things to obsess over on my trip. But at least I had fun trying.  Perhaps a book review will be on the agenda in a couple weeks or so.  Just for practice. just everyday writing. 





Monday, June 2, 2014

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Dream on

I'm running through my favorite woods
the empty woods
the rustic, non-paved trail-kind of woods
where dogs may poop
but their owners i rarely see
where i've seen a hawk fly off 
with a scared-to-death squirrel
in its talons
a woods of death for small animals
my favorite place to run and hide

when my pandora gives me aerosmith
dream on
ugh, not into seventies rock
but today
I'm indifferent
in a hurry
no time to wait 
for pandora to shuffle
endlessly
while i run to silent beats

so i listen to the words of
dream on..

"Every time that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

Yeah, I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life's in books' written pages
Live and learn from fools and from sages
You know it's true
All the things you do, come back to you

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter and sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

Dream on, dream on, dream on,
Dream until your dream come true
Dream on, dream on, dream on,
And dream until your dream come true
Dream on .... "

and pretty soon
this crazy lady
you know the one
is running down the path
stumbling over tree roots 
air-guitarring
air-drumming
and
air-screeching and wailing
steven tyler-style

yes we all have these fools and sages
in our lives
trying to tell us
what to do
how to live
and i can't take any more
for unless you have...
lived as many years as i have..
are also this crazy mix of 
too much creativity 
with no focus to aspire in any one area...
too much energy one moment 
and dying of lethargy the next...
blissful like cheesecake one day
and rotten as rabid slugs the next...
extremely particular and stubborn about what i like
yet so painfully wishy-washy
and eager to please
 that i let others choose for me...
as kind and sweet as a kitten 
when we meet
but ready to slam your face into a fence post
if you make me mad...
a huge, huge, huge, huge, huge dreamer
of Big Dreams...
if i could just get out of this rut i'm in...
passionate about God
but with the self-control 
of a flea on a stinky dog..
unless you are all these things...
guess what..
come closer,
no, closer..
ear to the screen...
YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!!!
so sing it steven..
half my life..
written in stacks of diaries and blogs..
we all have our dues to pay..
(i'm paying them..)
these things come back to you, 
yes they do..
but i will dream on. dream on. dream on. dream on.
(scream it at your highest octave now..
DREAM ON...DREAM ON...DREAM ON...DREAM ON...
AHHH-AHH-AHH-AHH-...)



ahhh. another good run.
oh & caution: look out for crazy lunatics running screaming through the woods.


Heathenish

Krogering during church hours...gym shorts & sneakers among dresses & heels...shame on me!!