Gotta stay high...

....all the time...

more happy

and this is how i look when i'm happy

again, see the happy smile.

                                      hopefully these eyes will soon be closed forever.

Vine story...

Check out jennifer nelson's post on Vine! https://vine.co/v/OiDTEWdvziJ

walkin w/my bf

walkin with my boy today..

                just me, my boy and his ball.  bounce, bounce, bounce...

                                                perfect day for a walk in the woods.
                                               

                                                             loving the colorful leaves..

                                                         the fading autumn sunshine...

                                          and just some play around time with my son.

                                                               it's the small things.

                                                 i pray he grows to live a balanced life...                                         

                  

                                   
                                        he'll always have a mama who loves him dearly.
     

                                                         
                                            you are my sunshine, my only sunshine...
               

                                     
                                                        ...boing, boing, boing....

    oh the places he'll go...

it's like...

it's like...

living with this 

kindly old gentleman..

who warmly hands out peppermints

to the grandchildren...

protectively makes a covering for them

chooses the ways they should live

yet kindly

always treating them as babies

and the babies appreciating the provision

yet despising the baby talk

and yearning to spread their wings

and fly on their own

choose their own surroundings

assert themselves

be an adult for once

think for themselves

wouldn't that be nice

but

they don't want to hurt his feelings

so they submit to the fatherly figure

and remain stunted in their growth

babies forever. 

house i lke

will someone please buy this for me?

ok it's not perfect.  the windows are small and there aren't enough of them.  i go crazy in dark spaces.  depressing without enough light. i got that "S.A.D" syndrome, i think...

but the potential of all the space, the beautiful lake, and best of all...the privacy. the separateness.  yes.  this is what i need.  a place to finally be my own person, yet inflict as little pain on the family as possible.  keep us all together, for the most part.  a place for healing.  a place of transition.  yes i'm coveting this place right now, but sad because there's no way it could be had for us right now. probably not ever.  need to settle for something else.  trying to keep my hopes up.  please God. make a way where there is no way.  amen.

(more details here:)

http://www.fmrealty.com/real-estate/raleigh/8227-hillside-drive/1976161?rowNum=11&searchID=219e28be-a4fe-45a3-a563-52bfd7c1087b&sortBy=priceAsc&pageSize=20&page=1&displayPhoto=exterior

moving on...

taking some small steps...

                                                      breathe deep...i can do this...

                                                        looks ok from a distance...
                                                               

                                                          ...got here a few minutes late, place is packed,
                                                                  so here i am in the overflow room, basically the lobby                                                            outside the high school auditorium.
                                                               
                                                        
                                                                   
        watching the service via the tv screen.... a taped message from the pastor at the main campus in durham..  excellent sermon, though, more on that somewhere else, later..i hope..
                                                                         

                               my analysis:  big church, big heart, so far so good.

                                           best part: even though i knew not a soul there, i "just happened" to run into an old friend there, an artist, Christian, mom of former babysitter of our kids...fellow youth worker in years gone by...who just started there too, who also has gone through anxiety/depression stuff, life changes...we talked, exchanged info, must get in touch again.  thank you, Jesus. that's why i was sent there.
                                                               

guess today was the first of my "try five". 

hope to try my second, soon.