still on a sheryl kick

                                                   

still thinking about my last post. In particular, the part about relating to Michael Jackson's condition of arrested development.

 feeling this bubbly happy feeling deep inside me, beginning to bubble to the surface, now and again, in short little pops like soda pop.  a funny, childlike feeling i've been hiding for years.  i first felt it again about a year ago, when we first arrived at the ocean for a family vacation at the beach. It was just like the feeling i had as a kid when, after driving across the country from land-locked Wisconsin to the Outer Banks of NC, we finally piled out of that old station wagon, all seven of us, and I breathed my very first whiff of salty ocean air..ahhhhh!!!  I was seven at the time, and I remember how giddy we all were, and how monstrous the waves looked to us, after only seeing the medium size waves of Lake Michigan when we visited the eastern edge of Wisconsin.  To see the real ocean, its unleashed fury and beauty as it smashed the shores with its salty wildness, was overwhelmingly intoxicating to me as a child, and still acts as a drug every time i return to the beach.

Kind of at a loss as to what to do with this new revelation, this return of my childlike spirit, something i've hidden for so many years.  Stuffed it down inside of me, made decisions and choices that seemed right and grown-up and practical at the time, and seemed like a good cover-up for this youthful, seemingly immature, impulsive child inside of me that wanted to be free but for some reason it was something to be ashamed of, hidden, killed for the sake of being a proper adult.
why? I realize now this is just the way i was made, and no, it does not give me license to be selfish and irresponsible or lazy.  Perhaps it was intended as a unique gift, something that, despite making me feel like such an oddball in my peer group of moms fussing over schedules and financial goals and three-bean casseroles,  it was meant as a way for me to give back to the world, share my creativity in ways that required me to re-capture the flame of that crazy wild child again.

Where i'm going with this is just as much a mystery to me as it is to you. the fun part is, this crazy wild child in me does not grow older with each passing breath, it just gets crazier, as its vision becomes clearer, like brushing the sand off a treasure hidden on the beach.

that's where it ends for now.  and i'll end with another little song i'm learning to play on my guitar, from my artist of the week, Sheryl Crow.

or not.

sorry, i lied.  someone's in my "recording studio" at the moment, so i'll share this with you instead, this video that does a pretty good job of embodying the spirit of my thoughts this morning.  especially where she plays her air guitar and chases the endless bubbles...happy bubbles.

enjoy!