Took a late night run tonight.
Had to get out of the house. Mind spinning. Emotions out of control. If I don't make some productive use of this emotional energy, I might do something that would scar my children's emotions for life. even if it set me free.
So I laced up and ran down the street. Had a flashlight in my pocket, that I used occasionally, to be seen by motorists, but still had a sense of unease. I used to always go running at night in my college days, but that was a small town, a different time period.
Tonight I knew that female joggers, especially those with pony tails, can be prime targets for assaults, rape.
But I was feeling so distressed, so out of control, that I almost didn't care, almost welcomed the horrors of a rape; after all, it would just reinforce the sickening sense of shame i carry around with me anyway. why not, just reduce me to an even lower piece of slime.
Not like this cute little snake, though, (snakes aren't slimy) that I spied on the sidewalk, lit up by the streetlight.
(i think the poor guy was dead).
death. just what i don't need to think about some more tonight.
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