Snapchat

My daughter is teaching me how to make a Snapchat story. Catch me if you can!

just one more. then i'm done. promise.

Robin:  "Chemistry.  There's just one more thing you need besides chemistry."

Ted:  "What's that?"

Robin:  "Timing. And timing's a bitch."



the mighty Robin has spoken.

KUWTN anOthEr ePisoDe

sorry this will be short.

no pretty pictures of more boring museums 

or soaring skyscrapers over the blur of rush hour traffic.

cuz today i did not leave the walls of this shabby old rental house in Atlanta.

But the walls have spoken.  (I'll get to that in a moment.)

Today my son was sick and so while the girls were taken to the zoo and the CNN headquarters for some more touristy activities, I sat on the couch with my little one, held ice packs on his aching head, played the Brady Bunch season one dvd for him until he fell asleep, and kept him company while sneaking in a nap for myself.  

(to be totally truthful and honest, i actually was quite relieved to stay home with Colby and avoid the drama and sadness I feel when trying to pretend that i'm not pretending...which just makes me sad because by now it's so clear to me what my heart's desire is, i know that i know what i know, and the truth makes me sad, makes me feel guilty, makes me fearful of the future.

it was nicer to avoid all that emotion and just enjoy snuggling with my little boy on someone else's old couch that smells like some other people which grosses me out and makes me not want to place my head on the couch pillows, just ew.  but it was still sweet, he's still such a sweet young thing.

But here's where a little ripple of drama comes in...

not mine, though, fortunately.  my daughter's.

(this is where the talking wall comes in...)

She and her friend Sarah were having a crazy loud time in the bedroom they're sharing next to mine..like silly girls do...

..and i was hearing lots of thumps and bumps but didn't think much of it. 

until i heard her scream for me...for what happened was, in their wonderful game of turning somersaults and flips on their beds, my graceful girl accidentally smashed her foot through the wall!!!

(Can you hear that wall talking now?? I think i heard it scream OUCH!!!)

...and just for your perspective on the size of the hole, let's look again at the first picture, and you shall see what looks like a strange black dot underneath that weird abstract painting on the wall, see it?

I told her ok, no big deal, that's what security deposits are for,

but of course, she's a teenage girl with self esteem issues and when 30 minutes later her friend Sarah is still sitting alone in the room looking confused, i go to look for Sam and find her in the farthest corner of the downstairs, curled up and crying about that silly hole in the wall.

So i sit down on the smelly couch and try to comfort her by desperately racking my brain for a time in my own youth that i ALSO did something as stupid as smashing a hole in the wall whilst doing a somersault in someone else's house.  hmmmmm. i guess we tend to push some of those mistakes out of our minds, a selective memory type of thing, as we get older.  But after a box of chocolate raisins and a plate of cookies, she was back in the room with Sarah and they're back to giggling again. Just no more thump-bumps on the walls.  I told her that one day they'd look back on this and laugh, which I am doing already, since I'm not the type to take things like this too seriously anyway.  (i did many, many, many even STOOOPider things when i was much older than her. i may have had alcohol to blame for it, but still...)

ok, so thank God this trip is almost over and tomorrow we'll return to the clean streets, manicured lawns and snooty white Starbucks queens and stay-at-home moms of Cary, NC. 

goodnight!

(said the wall.)

fade to black..

KUWTN next episode

Numero uno rule for creating an episode of a reality tv show about your family:  

Do NOT even THINK about attempting such a feat when you are in a foul mood that reeks of bitter annoyance and irritation at everything another person does.  

and i'm breaking that rule.  

but don't get me wrong!!  there were many beautiful things in this day, this lovely day spent in downtown Atlanta...

first of all, getting there.  (I usually close my eyes or refuse to look at the road in front of us when i'm in the passenger seat of this particular vehicle, as being an accomplice to a bumper-rider is almost bad as having one on your a$$!!!)

ok, breathe deep, think pleasant thoughts.  enjoy the scenery.  like the Olympic Park area, where of course, the Olympics were held back when i was just a child..

..and other random specks of city skyline..

(speak in nasally, digital, snotty female tone: "Destination on your right...you have reached your destination.")  Atlanta Aquarium.   world's biggest aquarium.

 world's biggest shark: the whale shark. swimming right above my head!

                 the glass tunnel of aquatic wonders...

                                                             fish lips!

                                   Japanese spider crab. (stop looking at me like that!)

                                                ...a dragonfish.

                             

so sure, i love everything ocean and animals, the dolphin show was great, yeah yeah.

But anyone who knows me well knows, or should know, that i really do not enjoy museums much and i HATE crowds!!  Point 1: a museum is really just an artificially produced phenomenon. a building that looks and feels like any other boring institution or corporation.  indoor lighting, indoor air, security checks, overpriced food and stupid plastic junk in a gift shop. 

yes, i love the animals. moot point.  

but drive 6 hours to walk around in a stale-air building amongst hordes of stinky people (Point 2) and crying babies and annoying strollers everywhere that get in your way, and yes my grump side is showing...

deep breath.find my happy place.

on to the Coke museum. 

same game, only even more geared to commercialism. one big coke ad.

but, i can't deny, that tasting center at the end, where you go around and taste all 100 different varieties of coke products from all over the world at the end...that was fun.

(good thing the bathrooms were strategically placed nearby, 100 tastes of soda pop creates a lot of well, you know.)

                                                  

and now i'll finish my rant and be done:

Top 10 deal-breakers/Annoyances/Things that made me want to SCREAM of the Day:

10. Sticking out tongue and making icky mouth noises while playing video games

9.  Icky mouth noises while driving (beginning to boil inside..)

8.  Tapping fingers to the beat of the turn signal.  (...preparing to elbow someone in the jaw..)

7.  Having to Control EV.RY.THING!!!!! such as....

6. Travel plans

5.  Dinner plans

4.  Driving

3.  Fake happy sing-song noises when everyone else is obviously in a bad mood and it's like you're patronizing, taunting us.   (preparing to tighten fist upon impact...)

2.  saying "you're welcome" too often when fishing for compliments/ appreciation.  (breathe deep..and..)

1. icky mouth noises.  (More elbow strikes!!  Superman punch!!!   i'm goin' off the RAILS!!!!)

Disclaimer:  I know that by airing all of my many, many pet peeves and annoyances i will surely scare off any possible interest in future relationships, as i am displaying my very keen potential at being the worlds biggest grumpy old fart EVER!  oh well, i actually sort of take pride in that, for old farts are old enough to stop being people-pleasers and start being themselves and choosing what they want in life, not just trying to make someone else's life a cherry pie.  nope, i'm nobody's pie.  

Maybe my particularities will one day make me a frumpy old maid that lives alone, but that's ok, i can still enjoy people, just can't handle living with them.  

oh and happy anniversary to me.  yep, i've been happily OUT of a relationship for 3 years now. i have more comments on that subject, but i'll save that for another time.

this ends today's episode of KUWTN.  stay tuned, Grumpy Old FArt returns soon! (hopefully tomorrow!)

goodnight.

Atlanta-bound

Family trip time ( plus one), oh boy..

Selfie practice

Why am I not in bed. It's past midnight. The bewitching hour, when nothing of value is posteth. Guten nacht, mein Freund, mein hund. (Ha, du sprichst Deutsch nicht, no?)